[ SONSTIGES ]

Goredon Scumway's SATAN CLAUS

The painful day after - once again headache, permanent earthquakes in the stomach who violently tries to force yesterday evenings liquids way up the throat and into the toilet.Klaus, nicknamed "Satan" (even by his grandparents!) because of some glorious acts of pure evil churchpissing at the age of twelve, slowly gains consciousness as his doorbell rings. Sleeping in boots and a spike-staring leather-jacket doesn´t help one getting a nice start into the newborn day´s shiny hours of exiting adventures...Well, finally Klaus realises that he doesn´t hear the hells bells he just dreamt of and crawls to the door. Not able to reach the spy-hole, he just opens. "You need salvation, brother! We are the ones to help, to give the voice of the Lord even to you! Let us talk a minute because you are already too close to a world below, the eternal flames of the dephts of hells!" Klaus awakes, takes a look up (he still needs his hands on the ground) and sees Jehovas witnesses. ´Fuck, the third time in ten days. But I have warned them...´ With a low voice he growls something like "Better get outta here quick, you scum, before I..." and slams the door shut. He feels sorry that there is no dagger at hand to give them what they deserve right here and right now, but then he thinks of something far better: Why don´t get clear first, have a breakfast and THEN start a sunday morning killing spree?! Klaus smiles, gets to the bathroom for a nice little vomit and a breakfast in the way his friend of the "Brotherhood of the Urine Junkies" taught him long ago. Those have always been a huge help for him in the ten years of total desaster, since he fell in love with that godly "Sternburg Export" beer on his thirteenth birthday.It is the days around Christmas. With a smile Klaus remembers the old costume his father used to scare his children to the death in on Christmas eve. The perfect disguise for the things to come. A true carnage to come...Klaus knows whom to take first. His parents run a butchers store, just five minutes away from his own place. "The black seeds of vengeance are about to sprout" he says as he knocks out his father. Being mangled in the meatgrinder surely is one of the worst ways to step into the unknown, but without a doubt it is a funny one for people to watch. Not so for Klaus´ mom, who stands in the door, horrified, unable to scream "Bloody Gore!" "The blood shall flow, mummy, the blood shall flow!!! Just come here for a second..." Without wasting time, Klaus reunites his parents in a giant bowl of burger-meat for a happy human barbecue. Hm, tasty!

´Next up´s that bastard of a priest´, thinks Klaus,´it´s gonna be pure fucking armageddon for him!´ He shall curse the day he laid his hands on Klaus. The shame of being baptised still burns deep. He will show no mercy. Exited about the long awaited revenge, Klaus gets the costume, takes his parents car and drives to the church. The fact that the only tape in the car is "The Hinterwälder Spitzbuben", his fathers favourites, lets the terrible certainty of living in a world of shit grow an absurd smile on his face.
The church is empty. Grey-dressed and grey-faced people creep home after the mass, agonised for another week by the threat of eternal pain for not following the rules. But Klaus doesn´t care about them. His mission is clear: this place must be swamped in gore when he´s done with the priest. He silently enters the church, closes the door behind him and blocks it with a donation-box. The enemy is sitting in front of the altar and counts the offertory. A guttural voice behind him says: "Jesus is a cunt, priest. But you won´t fuck him ever again!" The first and last thing he sees as he turns around is a man in a black leather-jacket with a knive in his hand. A heavy blow strikes his head and he goes down. One single moment of life is left in the priest, which he wastes as he sees Klaus standing upon him, violently forcing his mouth open and cutting his tongue off. The words "never again will you tell lies to the people" remained unheard as the priest deceased in a world of horrid pain. Not knowing whether to be disappointed or furious about the quick coming of death, Klaus continues his ultimate gore assault. Slow, deep and hard he pushes the knive into the corpse, again and again into the throat, the chest, the face, even into the lower regions, as if giving the priest a stabwound orgasm. Finally he dislodges the sorry leftovers of the heart and puts it into the font. ´This is how I baptise´, Klaus thinks as he leaves through the backdoor, not more than two minutes after arriving.

The next ones on his list are these nazi-bastards. They have beaten him up six times thus far. They had always been too many, but now everybody should be killed. He wonders how to deal with those five fat nazi-skins while cruising aimlessly through the city. He is convinced that it won´t be the right time and place for creative killing. But maybe it would be the perfect situation to introduce his circular saw fetish to those bastards? A little bit gory, yes, but extreme conditions demand extreme responses. He is surprised to realise that he was smiling again. At least the fifth time today, that hadn´t happened since the day he found that rare Völkermord-EP in the Second-hand record store.

Watching the people´s peaceful christmas-mood doesn´t change his mind. That this whole love-and-happiness fake disgusted him from the very beginning, was shown in a pretty drastic way as he tore off arms and legs both from his brand new teddybear and his sister´s doll at the age of five. That made Christmas unforgetable for all involved (the fact that he was badly spanked by his sister afterwards, too).

Klaus continues cruising for some more hours, nearly not perceiving all the decorations, the happy kids with their present-laden parents or all the smells belonging to Christmas. The will to take revenge is so deep in his mind that he can nearly smell the stench of death, which was to come soon. Now, as time is up, Klaus drives to a dark parking lot, puts his costume on and hides the chainsaw and some more nice toys in the sack.

To the flat of the first one. On his way from the car Klaus laughs and thinks that there is a whole lotta murder going on here, because two more Santas are around. Probably students or shoe-salesmen coming home after having had hundreds of kids on their knees on the Christmas-fair. Klaus hopes that they are brothers in gore and feel the same bloodthirst like he does.

The door he is looking for is easy to find. Several ´white pride´- stickers and loud nazi skin-rock from inside show the way. He takes out the chainsaw, his finger on the on/off-button hardly under control. Just one minute and acts of the unspeakable will have become bloody reality. One kick is enough for the door and without warning he slays the first one, who sits in the living room, drinking beer and enjoying the latest issue of "SkinSluts". No resistance, not even a single cry, just a severed head. While storming to the living room, Klaus had seen that there was light in the bathroom. He quickly turns, goes back and finds another bastard, standing above the toilet and masturbating. He tries to hide his cock as he spins around, but it doesn´t help. A roaring sound is to be heard, blood fountains pour down as the right arm falls exactly onto his magazine, the "All blond special" from ´88. One second of silence. The skin is no longer caring about his erection, but reaching unbelievingly for the place where his arm has been a moment before. His fault. With astounding precision Klaus lets the saw do it´s job down there. Short after the genital the now unconscious nazi bastard hits the floor. The right time to give him a state-of-the-art chainsaw gutsfuck to make sure he won´t survive. Some really grotesque bleedings occur all over the body during this mutilation.

With the deed done Klaus gets rid of his bload-soaked costume, showers the saw before hiding it again and carefully closes the door behind him. Without seeing anyone he gets back to his car and drives home. ´A good time to take a little rest´, he thinks, ´the others will follow.´
Later that night, only moments before he falls asleep after hours of torturing his brain how to reach his goal, seeing Deadbodieseverywhere, a joyful thought comes to Klaus´ mind: "There is that Korn-concert next week!!! The terror will continue..."

That`s all, boys and girls. My English is not so very good but fuck that! I hope you liked my little story anyway. At last some words in German: Immer daran denken : Weihnachten ist das, was ihr draus macht!!

Goredon Scumway, Chief President of the AntiLifeFront